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Nuggan's Rules on Honorable Fighting

So today I'm going about my pirating buisness when low and behold I find a few anti-pirates sitting outside my home station. Just three cruisers, no big threat, but I'm on buisness right now and have a full cargo hold so, since I had an insta to the station, I easily dock. A good hour and a half later I have to make a trip to buy a few modules to set up some new ships. I see a few known APs in local so I undock in an AF just to test the water..... sure enough those same guys in cruisers are still camping the station. So they've just been sitting there in space not doing anything at all for all this time? Kinda reminds me of the first article I wrote..... Anyway,of course they start attacking me. Well I only undocked to see if they were still there(no guns on the ship yet, I'd just bought it) so I try to dock again and then proceed to laugh as all three cruisers attack me, nos and web me, and can barely get me to half armor before my af crawls back to the station. Being nearly -9 sec now they could easily attack my hauler outside the station and tear it up as it would feebly try to align to warp I decided it was time to pull out the alt and go grab some of the items I needed that I couldnt get in low sec. Another long and drawn out period of time passes and I finally return to my home station again. Hmm.... all three still just sitting there.... ok, time to take the fight to them. I pull out my HAC and undock from the station. Well thats strange... I only see 1 person sitting there now...hmm, hes in a stabber... :::name removed to protect the poor fool has started trying to warp scramble you:::... sigh, ok you poor noob, I'll let you have it... So I proceed to get barely scratched by this guy while my HAC tears him a new one. Then suddenly he warps away.... You've got to be kidding me, this guy had at least 3 warp stabs fitted? Ok noob, I'll let you go...

So after all I this I decide I have a few other things to do before starting some actual pirating that evening, but I decided to send the noob a friendly eve-mail:

[nice try :p ....just a tip, fitting those warp core stabs can seriously gimp your setup ]

I meant it in a friendly way, perhaps poking a bit of fun, but still as a tip to a noob. Here is the conversation that followed:

[Just a tip - I'm alive after 1v1 with an AF as a REAL two month noob - you figure out whether I was gimped or not ;-) ]

[alive cause you ran? yeah, I'd call that gimp]

[But what is the dishonor in that? I am a NOOB no kiidin a real one not an alt, I don't want to be a carebear, but I also want to die for no reason. You know. Like you've done to Machine for 3 times ! ;-) ]

[The dishonor is that its cowardly... Why fight at all if your just gonna run all the time? If you dont want to be a carebear then grow some balls and actually risk losing your ship. If you are a noob then you shouldnt be flying something you cant afford to replace. Yes, I died to machine, twice not 3 times, and I see no shame in that. I can afford the new ships each time. The first time was one on one and it was a very fair fight and it was close too and I even congradulated him on it. Neither of us was cowardly enough to try to run. The second time it was 2 on 2 and a bit unfair but I still didnt run. I see no shame in dying those times. I went up against a stronger setup and I lost and I didnt try to run. No shame there... you on the other hand sir, are a coward]

[Let me get this straight. You have been playing since June of 2003. I have been playing for a little over 2 months. Yet you think it would be "fair" and "honorable" to fight you in a superior ship in a game that is specifically designed to make the senior player have the advantage. Does that sum it up? Do you realize how silly that is? How big is your ego that you think another player should play the game on your terms? Isn't that the height of childishness?
"PLAY THE GAME MY WAY YOU MEANIE OR I WILL TALK BAD ABOUT YOU!!" Boo hoo. Get over yourself sweetheart. ;-)
Love, The :::NAME CENSORED::::.]

[No, you let ME get this straight.... You're a self proclaimed noob, you've got about 2 months of gametime under your belt, and YOU attacked ME outside a station in your "inferior" ship and then when I decided to actually fight back you turn your arse around and run away..... Do you realize how silly YOU are? How big is YOUR ego that you think you can just poke me and run away? Then YOU have the audacity to attempt to ridicule ME when all I did when you attacked and RAN was send you a mail offering a little advice? Whos the childish one here?]

[What do you mean "think you can poke me and run away"?!?!? I did poke you and run away :-P I very much enjoy the fact that I have annoyed a self-proclaimed "honorable" pirate. This is one of the ways I enjoy the game, frustrating guys like you. I laughed the entire time I warped away. Please send me a detailed list of the Nuggan rules on honorable fighting so I can learn how to be killed when you want me to die, based on your rules. Thanks cupcake.]

Cupcake? Did he just call me a cupcake? gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...... Anyway, does the fool not understand he's attempting to ridicule ME for HIM attacking ME and then HIM running away? Oooooook.... anyway, though he seems to think he's somehow frustrated me by not causing any loss and then running, what hes really done is inspired me, so now I present to you:

Nuggans Rules On Honorable Fighting So You Can Learn How To Be Killed When I Want You To Die

1.) When you see me in local you should immediately lose all hope and then in the local channel state your exact location, ship type and cargo.
2.) When I warp in you should immediately put all your weapons and/or other modules offline.
3.) Do not try to escape and do not fight back...pretending to be afk would be best.
4.) Do not call for help unless those who will come to help will also be obeying these rules.
5.) If you dont pay the damn ransom then dont complain when you die.
6.) Upon making contact with me, your first statement should be "I'm here for your pleasure/amusment, I will obey all your commands without question, as you are the master pirate"
7.) For extra brownie points praise the glory that is me as I kill you and when I finish go on the eve forums and continue to praise the glory there.
8.) After each wrecking shot, you shall yell "THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!"
9.) Die quickly and with as little of your modules destroyed as possible.
10.) If you are offended by the rest of these rules, grow a sense of humor.

I'm sure I'll think of more later, but as for now its time to hunt.
(Thanks to Ontan for ideas for some rules!)



Now I’ve been playing Eve since 2003 and I’ve tried my hand at most professions in the game. Trading, manufacturing, mining, missions, hauling, dueling, corp wars, alliance wars, etc… you name it, I’ve probably done it at least once. Currently I consider myself a pirate. Yes, I’m one of those dirty rotten scumbags who just turned that new ship that you’ve been working so hard for months just to get enough isk to buy and outfit with the best modules you could find into space dust and a drifting cargo container. Now I’m fairly new to the pirate scene, but I have a good number of kills under my belt and I love it more than any other thing I’ve tried. However, the one thing in this game that I just cannot comprehend is why anyone would want to be a pirate hunter. The roleplay perspective of it is something I can easily relate to: You want to pvp but you want to be the “good guys� so to speak. Its almost the same as being a pirate. What I cant understand is where the fun is in the profession.

From what I’ve seen, pirate hunting goes something like this:

There are a number of corporations which consider themselves “anti-pirate� corps. They all have an alliance against the pirates and they have a “secret� channel they talk in where the pirates can’t see. Now I personally like to pirate in frigates, having been drained of most of my cash while fighting wars in Stain (they never did reimburse me as promised). They are fast, cheap, and I can take out ships much bigger than myself. So what happens is I leave the station in a punisher, where there is usually an anti-pirate or two camping in a battleship and waiting to pod me. I easily get away and start looking through belts in the system for targets. Meanwhile the anti-pirates send out call for help: “OMFGWTF NUGGAN JUST UNDOCKED IN A PUNISHER AND GOT AWAY WTF! HAX! BRING EVERYTHING U HAVE WE GOTTA GET HIM�. By this time I’ve usually found and popped some poor soul who was attempting to mine in a thrasher. Then local starts to flare up..5 people…6…8…12…15…22…the anti-pirate brigade has arrived. Eventually one of them spots me as I’m fighting someone in a belt and warps in. I finish my fight, they wouldn’t pay the ransom(as usual), and then warp out as other anti-pirates warp in. Eventually they all end up in that same belt and talking smack in local about how I wont respond to their 1v1 requests for my frig vs their BS, BC, HAC, etc…. The reason I don’t respond however is that I’m already 2 systems away popping some mammoth who was afk at a moon. The anti-pirates now spend the next 2-6 hours trying to track me down while I go along my pirate way. Usually I elude them, but every now and then they manage to get semi-organized and track me down. Sometimes they even catch me and by some miracle all 6 battleships, 4 BCs, 5 HACs, 3AFS, and 2 INTYS manage to survive the battle while my one little frig gets popped… (my pod still gets away though). Actual pirates on the other hand? They are the true masters. Just last night, when I was giving some nooblets some pointers on starting their adventures in piracy, I got mobbed by about 6 other pirates. Let me tell you, I had NO CLUE at all they were coming for me. I was at a safe spot and even though I was watching local I didn’t suspect they were all pirates or even together. Not only did they pop my ship, but they locked my pod so quickly that I didn’t know what hit me until I was back in a station. Cheers for them! That’s the way to be a pirate!

What I’m asking is where is the fun in 10 people chasing 1 person around for HOURS without getting a kill? Meanwhile I’ve had 9 or 10 fights already and the night is still young. And where is the fun without the risk? I put my frigate up against 2 or 3 cruisers at a time. Sometimes I live, sometimes I don’t, but its still more fun than 15 or so killing 1 person in a frigate. Now I’ve pirated with my corp as well as solo, and I understand the fun in swarming some poor guy who thought he was safe while NPCing in his BC, but there is a huge difference there, mainly the overkill factor. Anti-pirates? More like Anti-Fun Timesinks. YARRR!