Dear Diary: The misadventures of Gurristas Arrogator, slightly late Part 1: The beginning

Dear Diary,

It has been a week now since I figurativly turned in my mining lasers and took up the gun. Actually, took up the missle is a little more exact. My name is Gurristas Arrogator. What I used to be called I no longer remember. It is a part of the initiation process. I have a vague recollection of who I used to be but it is pretty hard to get a grasp on. It doesn't matter anyways. I am who I am now and there is no real turning back. Soon I will launch my hatred and aggression on the innocent travelers of Lonetrek, Citadel, and Forge. As I head out to these regions in my new T2 Ibis I think about how I joined The Gurristas.

It all started of course in a bar. I had answered one of those ads found on the holo net right next to the ones about the triple breasted Gallente massage therapists who will give you a very happy ending for a thousand ISK extra. It cost me my entire savings to get this information but I also knew if I was going to break the carebear cycle this was the only way for me. After a time of sitting and nursing an overpriced glass of ice posing as a Quafe a man sat himself opposite me.

The stench wafting off the man could have melted the armor plating on an Apoc. When he opened his mouth to speak the gagging smell doubled. It was as if a small animal had made a home at the bottom of a latrine pit and then when it came time to die it had crawled into his mouth for last rights and remained there to rot. I was hanging on the brink of losing what little I had to eat earlier all over the table. For all I know it might have improved the smell.

The man looked me up and down and then smiled showing the rotting remains of what remained in his mouth. Then he silently slid a piece of paper over to me. As his arm glided near me I recoiled as a blast of stench wafted over me. My stomach did a flip and that was the last straw. I bent over and expelled things in my stomach that I didnt even know existed all over the table, his arm, and the piece of paper he still had a finger on. After my retching had finaly run out of steam I looked up sheepishly at the man. He must have been accustomed to this for he still had the same smile on his face. He retracted his arm, stood up, and walked out of the bar as I was forced to dig through my own vomit looking for that piece of so important paper. I finaly found it and franticly cleaned it up hoping whatever was written on it was still legable. My entire life savings rode on this.

After carefully cleaning it up I found the secret. I found the secret to joining the Gurristas. The paper said, "Go to PF-346. Once you enter get 20 km off the gate and leave all systems powered down. After doing this broadcast using your local subspace radio this exact phrasing. " I am (your name) sitting at (gate) in a (ship type). I wish to learn the pirates way." The password when asked is rosebud.

So I traveled out there in my shuttle. I dodged past harrowing camps of pirates and blood thirsty rogues for the chance of a lifetime. With sweaty palms I entered PF-346 and broadcast the message. No answer. I broadcast it again. No answer. I was about to broadcast it a third time when out of nowhere 5 ships came out of warp and locked my ship down. I was a dead man. There was nothing I could do. As they closed in to kill range a single tear slid down my cheek. Then I heard my salvation come over the radio. The dark brooding voice only said one thing. "Password." Scrambling to not screw this up I clicked on the radio and said with as big of balls as I could muster "rosebud." I think it most likely came out as a squeak now that I think back on it but it was the right thing to say. The ships released their lock and uploaded to my nav comp our destination out in the middle of Dead Space. And so died my old self and so was the birth of Gurristas Arrogator.


Next time, Part 2: Minding the mindless