When taking a serious look into piracy I felt many hours had been wasted mindlessly grinding away on missions. Whats a matta wit da missions you ask? Meazly amounts of cash, crap loot, boring and limited stories, and predictable rats is what!
I hate missions so very much; I meant it, they suck. Unfortunately my knowledge of pvp was limited to being wtfomgpwnt at an Amamake noob BBQ hosted by Sniggerdly along with information fed to me from carebear colleagues that led me to believe pvp was not a viable option until you've reached 1 year of hardcore skill training.
I never thought I would look back and think, "Gosh I sure am glad I mindlessly ran missions for hours on end!"
A few attempts to alleviate the pain and boredom of mission running included running level 2s with my trusty rifter and some level 3s in a rupture, running missions in low sec, and running missions for Guristas pirates (cut short by those rascally rabbits!). To ensure maximum pleasure all player cans I came across were flipped and people received random targeting in case of accidental weapon activation.
Torturing high sec miners sounded like a good option but didn't have the desired result of providing ongoing entertainment. Getting yelled (typed loudly) at in Chinese, possibly complemented, was interesting for a short while but not worth the trouble. Instead of falling for my flip trick they just kept mining. Do any macros automatically yell in Chinese when you ram them and flip cans? Whatever, I just wanted a kill mail so a quick message to some old corpmates and they cleaned up the ore.
A brief attempt at mining and building was made but I decided my future victims should be doing the boring stuff. Note: if you see me online please be sure to get mining in low or 0.0 space and remember that you don't need to align your Covetor because it warps so fast anyway when pirates are near, stabs are completely unnecessary and ALWAYS attack first with drones.
Eventually all seemed lost so a return to mindless grinding landed me an NPC corp standing well over 9 and an agent that loved me like family. Disgusted with my high security rating and the fact that I know had an agent sugar daddy, I couldn't look at my character in the mirror anymore.
Missions seemed like a waste of time so what changed my mind?
Well it came to me today, right after using one of my jump clones to return to my full set of implants while I take a break from eve. In fact, I had just come from a deep 0.0 NPC station I keep another clone in since it’s a good spot to sell high and buy low. Sure 0km jumps save you time but 47 jumps with many of those through some frequently camped 0.0? I'll pass.
Cleared for publication by: Ander
Anyway, on with the story...
A corpmate was trying to hunt some miner down but didn't know what system or even region the prey was in, only that he was online. He mentioned locator agents and I thought of my ex-sugar daddy, does he still love me? We decided to see if the cost and time was worth the trouble so a quick jump landed me in my old pimps office. The price was a mere 84k isk and a maximum of 6 min 40 sec wait if he was out of system!
An evemail quickly arrived providing details of "The sleazebag..." and his location, only a few jumps away from my corpmate. I won't spoil the story for you or tell you why this target deserves torture, he does, but I plan on spending some time bleeding the guy as well.
So for a short wait and a tiny bit of isk my NPC candyman gave me the location of a specific target. If you don't see the potential here than your the kind of person who would try to ram me to death in low sec with a freighter and we should probably meet ship to ship sometime, don’t worry freighters are immune to pirates.
The benefits are clear but I'll release this official statement so understand how intend to use this new tool, "Carebears seen in low security mining, ratting, traveling, or being a carebear in general should expect to see a sharp increase in deathmails holding my stamp of approval. Expect this to reoccur frequently and for varying periods of time depending on your overall juiciness level."
Enforcement should be a breeze thanks to my past of carebearing that provides me with the tool I need. Various travel points can be set up to accommodate crops that grow outside of my normal range, in fact one more travel point is available in 5 hours! Finding you cuddly little carebears should be a breeze as well thanks to main man, a.k.a Flavor Flav the Awesome Agent and Bringer of Happiness and Sorrow.
Carebears who have slaved away to gain these privileges from their gold-chain wearing love monkeys can feel free to use the service to locate me as well. Remember to bring tech II modules or at least the best named you can afford. For those of you that have played Diablo 2 and remember the 'charms' that only needed to be in your inventory to increase your stats, well BPOs all randomly increase your stats when fighting me and my corp mates so don't bring those please! We should have a fair fight so tech II bpos or any with good ME are strictly forbidden!
As always I hope you read this while your ship sits defenseless in a belt near me,
-Viront
3 Comments
Too much thinking, too little YARR!! On the other hand it is nice to see something beside the zerglings that tends to inhabit low-sec.
It took awhile for this blog get approbal and I've had time to think about this some more.
I think you've got a point Terraform, not enough YARR!! I think a line needs to be drawn between PVPer and pirate. YARRing can be good fun but the lack of people to YARR!! at is often frustrating. I go hours sometimes without finding someone to fight and usually end up attacking a larger target out of boredom. In fact, I didn't see hide nor hare of the bunnies this weekend.
It took awhile for this blog get approval and I've had time to think about this some more.
I think you've got a point Terraform, not enough YARR!! I think a line needs to be drawn between PVPer and pirate. YARRing can be good fun but the lack of people to YARR!! at is often frustrating. I go hours sometimes without finding someone to fight and usually end up attacking a larger target out of boredom. In fact, I didn't see hide nor hare of the bunnies this weekend.