Smack-talk 101

Curious to see why they were so eager to provoke me, I casually browsed their employment histories. They were all relatively new players that were barely over five months old. Slightly annoyed, I decided to give myself some war targets for kicks and giggles and promptly declared war on them the next day. I traveled to Kaunokka for its prized location services, and alas found that one of his characters were parked at the very same station! Apparently he was searching for me as well. Curious to find out his fittings/characters, I logged out in the hopes that he would bring the rest of his characters to me by the time I came back. Everything worked out as planned. The next time I logged in, a quick browse through local showed that four war targets all named "oecher" something were also in system. Three of them were docked on my particular station. I undocked, and alas all three of them undocked behind me. Outside, I was lightly battered by fire from a scorpion, two drakes, and a hawk. Satisfied with this information, I redocked and started deciding on a setup to take them down. Smacktalk ensued. [ 2007.05.01 16:25:37 ] oecher sascha > put put put pussy put [ 2007.05.01 16:25:43 ] oecher Necroloyd > hey entity come out and fight like a man ! [ 2007.05.01 16:25:52 ] oecher Finni > no we have an ore thief he declares war to our corp but he only attacks mining barges I briefly considered dismantling them in my myrm, but I realized they would just redock seeing as how they were extremely relucant to leave the station's vicinity. I logged out to handle real life business. Tomorrow we would have some fun. The next day, I logged on and checked my addressbook. One of "oecher's" characters were on, so I promptly contacted my locator agent and found out that he was in Teonusen. 25 extremely boring jumps later, I entered the system and found him on the gate. For some reason he was afk in a shuttle.... I slowly locked his shuttle and obliterated it. I was waiting for local to jump with war targets because surely no one could be this stupid. Then, I slowly locked his pod. Still no response. He was promptly sent to the nearest clone vat, and I made the long trek back to Kaunokka. Extremely bored and regretting my decision to wardec these morons, I logged out. The next day, I logged on and continued my journey back to Kaunokka. Surprisingly, I found three war targets on the gate as soon as I jumped in! Even more surprisingly...they all logged out. I was extremely confused, because I had never seen a gatecamp that logged out once their target arrived. I'm also in a one man corp, so they couldn't have possibly feared that I had support with me. Perplexed, I waited for them to log back in. Surely enough, one of the oechers reappeared in a hawk, and I promptly warped to the nearest celestial object in the hopes that he would follow me. Again, everything went according to plan. :) I waited for about two minutes, but sure enough, a hawk and a raven came out of warp right on top of me. The humiliation of the smack-talking carebears had begun. I prepared myself for an epic battle, knowing that both of his alts would probably arrive in their drakes relatively soon. Unfortunately...I was to be disappointed again. This kid had absolutely no piloting ability/intelligence at all... First of all, I have no idea what his hawk was setup to do, but it certainly accomplished nothing. I slowly locked it, put a single heavy nos on it, and about thirty seconds into the fight it warped away. It returned in the middle of the battle, but I did the same thing and it warped off again. Both times, it didn't fire a single shot at me. Second, my scanners were picking up a drake at the station since the onset of the fight, but it never warped to help. Again, no idea what he was doing. Third, he was the worst raven pilot I have ever seen. At first, he used all different damage types, which is common enough since missile users generally try to find their target's weakest resists. Then, for some odd reason he switched all his torpedoes to my strongest resistance... In addition, he didn't even deploy his drones. He also had a large smart-bomb fitted, which did absolutely nothing considering I was in a domi with a plethora of replacement drones (not to mention I could recall them repeatedly). And to top things off, he did a grand total of 9k damage to me during the entirety of the fight. Yes, I only had to run about four cycles of my rep to keep at full. My capacitor never dipped below 95%. After my last PvP experience which was absolutely intense, this was the most boring battle I have ever experienced. A single L4 mission BS probably would have fared better. By the end of the battle, my shields were actually recharged to a certain extent... To my surprise, I made off with some average/decent loot, which ramped up to about 25 million in profits. I also decided to camp the station that his three characters docked at, and was rewarded by another odd experience. When I locked and attacked him leaving the station, he...logged off instead of just re-docking. Bored by these events, I decided to leave him alone for now. However, these events did not deter the brave oecher in the least. He proceeded to barrage me with "insults," and I put that in quotes because it was some of the most unintelligible smacktalking I've ever seen. Highlights : oecher : "one question how old r u ?" Just had to point this one out, because I'm sure every pirate has his age questioned every time they kill somebody. Carebears love to throw this one out. oecher : "your scanner is a noob" What the hell? oecher : "i think you are a great killer with a big brain" ...huh? Despite being demoralized by these crushing insults, I sent off a letter to "Fight and Mine's" CEO dictating terms of surrender. The next day, I came upon some amusing information. My locater agent pinpointed my targets down in 0.0 space over 40 jumps away. Confused, I checked their new bios. Lo and behold, the vast majority of them had left their corporation and fled. Apparently, the dangerous six month old killer in a one man corporation was far too terrifying to deal with any other way. Moral of the story? Not everybody wants to PvP, that's perfectly fine. Eve caters to a plethora of different play-styles, and that's what makes it such a great game. But here's a word of advice. If you aren't looking for a fight, refrain from smack-talking. :)