When Eve Hands You Lemons...

I started Signora Morte (Lady Death in Italian) and immediately donated 5 million isk to buy up a Punisher and skills. I also started a new corporation (Sto0pid Monk3ys) in case someone wanted to join the cause! I remembered about 7 months ago a system that was infamous for pirates...Ami. I knew that I couldn't take on those guys with Vagas and such so I went to the 0.5 system beside it (Amdonen). Might as well try some good old thieving. Wouldn't you know it, there was a Coercer killing local rats in the belts. I could hear the voices in my head..."Yarr Lads! Man the cannons, ready the ores, prepare yer guts for a battle!" While orbiting this ship, I engaged the Universal Information Window to view his statistics: Corporation-Hedion University...Length of Employment-6 days...Possible Risk-Medium. "Can I take him? Will I lose my first ship???" Screw It!!!! He was only salvaging empty wrecks. Nothing I could do to blink red to him and get an engagement. I tried bumping him, orbiting him, targeting him...etc. DAMNIT! Fire on me! GAHHHH! I warped off to another belt in search of someone else. That inner "YARR" told me to give it another go. After all he would blow up more rats and thus loot to steal. I WILL SUCCEED!!! For the sake of new pirates everywhere! I warped to a planet and initiated the Directional Scanner. What a beauty she is! An unnamed Coercer and 3 fresh rat wrecks. I immediately warped to 0 before he could speed away. Behold the golden grail to a beginner pirate...a wreck full of loot, belonging to the person 7 km away. Of course I engaged the afterburners and sped to the wreck. Now, to get my nanobots to transfer the 100mm plate over to my cargohold. I put on the biggest "Imma No0b face" possible and awaited the flashy red brackets. I got yellow ones instead...F**K!!! ENGAGE MEEEE!!!! Instead he blew up the wreck. LMAO, that was an unexpected reaction and absolutely killed my mood. He was clever. Maybe I underestimated this fellow. I had come to far to give up now. I engaged the afterburners again and sailed over to the second wreck. "Imma sneaky pirate, better kill me...Stealin Ur Lewtz!!!" SUCCESS!!!! I see the ever beautiful red blinky brackets and immediately set orbit to 1000 meters. Now to just get past those 6 turrets and hug his ship. 30% shields...Eh I don't need those anyways...90% armor...F**k! I might not make it! Then I started orbiting while my log entries were showing ****** has barely missed. Awesome ^_^ Now to engage the warp jammer, 3 laserz, and the small Nosferatu I had installed. Excellent! The capacitor was holding at 52%! I love this ship! Seconds pass by as his shields and armor fall...I am constantly looking for buddies to warp in and rescue him. I even had a couple planets in view that would be quick to align. Finally, the structure was at 55% and I decided to save this guy. He had very little experience and probably shaking like a leaf...I know I was!!! I turned off the lasers and Nosferatu and waited to see the armor level go up. He hadn't even fitted a Repper. What luck! With a 100% armor Punisher on his Ass and 55% structure on his ship I typed into local: EVE System > Channel changed to Amdonen Local Channel Signora Morte > money to let u go? Signora Morte > 500 k ##### > done I awaited the blinky wallet. Nothing. Is this guy stalling for friends to warp in? I kept getting more and more nervous. Damn, I need to do something quick! So I initiated a personal conversation to him: [ 2007.10.08 20:08:53 ] Signora Morte > please send it [ 2007.10.08 20:09:09 ] ##### > let me go and i will give you the 500k [ 2007.10.08 20:09:13 ] Signora Morte > trust me [ 2007.10.08 20:09:19 ] Signora Morte > if not i will get poded [ 2007.10.08 20:09:35 ] Signora Morte > 30 secs [ 2007.10.08 20:09:41 ] Signora Morte > 25 [ 2007.10.08 20:09:45 ] ##### > Im not going to pod you. I like thta weapon you have. lol [ 2007.10.08 20:09:50 ] Signora Morte > 20 [ 2007.10.08 20:09:57 ] Signora Morte > 15 [ 2007.10.08 20:10:02 ] Signora Morte > i can rep all day [ 2007.10.08 20:10:05 ] Signora Morte > 10 SUCCESS!!! I had made my first ransoming attempt and succeeded! I was now 500,000 isk richer. Not much to some folks, but enough for me. That can buy another Punisher! ;) Then I unlocked his ship and warped to another belt to wait out the 30 sec aggression delay to dock up. [ 2007.10.08 20:10:20 ] Signora Morte > ty [ 2007.10.08 20:10:30 ] Signora Morte > hurry and rep [ 2007.10.08 20:10:35 ] Signora Morte > b4 someone else get you [ 2007.10.08 20:10:37 ] ##### > dont steal my kills next time and i wont fire on you [ 2007.10.08 20:10:43 ] Signora Morte > i did it to make u fire I was always taught that if you beat an opponent, don't laugh in his face. Teach him how to prevent this again. So to gain some + points for pirates, I decided to give him some advice and give back the plate I stole. [ 2007.10.08 20:10:56 ] Signora Morte > btw i will set contract for the loot i stole [ 2007.10.08 20:11:01 ] Signora Morte > in nearest station [ 2007.10.08 20:11:15 ] Signora Morte > let me dock up [ 2007.10.08 20:11:32 ] Signora Morte > may i offer soe hints for your ship? [ 2007.10.08 20:11:35 ] Signora Morte > some [ 2007.10.08 20:11:36 ] ##### > Hahahahaaha I aint gonna buy it back. you goy it go make money on it from someone else [ 2007.10.08 20:11:43 ] Signora Morte > no it is free mate [ 2007.10.08 20:11:47 ] Signora Morte > i am returning it [ 2007.10.08 20:11:52 ] Signora Morte > you see 1 sec [ 2007.10.08 20:11:53 ] ##### > Yeah. I am all ears [ 2007.10.08 20:12:04 ] Signora Morte > never engage combat pvp in a dessie [ 2007.10.08 20:12:12 ] Signora Morte > it only has 1 mid slot [ 2007.10.08 20:12:16 ] ##### > dessie? [ 2007.10.08 20:12:18 ] Signora Morte > u need them for tackle [ 2007.10.08 20:12:21 ] Signora Morte > destroyer [ 2007.10.08 20:12:26 ] ##### > oh destroyer [ 2007.10.08 20:12:40 ] ##### > whats a better ship to have [ 2007.10.08 20:12:48 ] Signora Morte > punisher [ 2007.10.08 20:12:54 ] Signora Morte > it has armor resists per lvl After docking up in station there he was. So I just decided to initiate a simple trade screen. [ 2007.10.08 20:13:22 ] ##### > keep it you got it fair and square. lol [ 2007.10.08 20:13:34 ] Signora Morte > i dont want to be an total asshat [ 2007.10.08 20:13:47 ] ##### > I have a punisher in dock. may have to get it out. [ 2007.10.08 20:13:53 ] Signora Morte > want my setup? [ 2007.10.08 20:14:04 ] ##### > Your not be. the info is worth it. [ 2007.10.08 20:14:15 ] ##### > Yeah, please. [ 2007.10.08 20:14:16 ] Signora Morte > i'll send an evemail [ 2007.10.08 20:14:29 ] ##### > Thanks. :) [ 2007.10.08 20:15:25 ] ##### > Grrrrrr! Got company. gotta run. hope we cross paths again. Its not often you meet decent people here. [ 2007.10.08 20:15:35 ] Signora Morte > ok bye buddy [ 2007.10.08 20:15:40 ] Signora Morte > still typing up the mail Well that is it folks! Another satisfied customer. No smack talk, just silent execution. In case some of you asked why the hell did I give him my ship setup and all, I have this to say...I was once in his shoes. Now he can leave today a more experienced person with a good ship setup and only 500,000 isk short. A good bargain if you ask me. Until next time ladies and gents, I bid you good day. Please leave comments on my story! =) Signora Morte